I wish that I'd known better than to let myself believe
that the person that I was before wasn't still me
I've been a stranger in a costume of somebody at peace
living my whole life like I'm a kid on halloween
I thought that I was miserable because of the drink
then I let myself be miserable with full clarity
and realized that I was miserable because of me
told myself that I was going good
that I was finally living like everybody should
maybe I'm better off
admitting that it all was pretend
like the way that I quit drinking just to start again
I know it seems like I'm not trying
I swear that I am
I wanna wake up and feel alright
tired of paying in the morning for the things I did last night
it's so hard now that I get to set all of the rules for me
when nobody's gonna save me from my own worst enemy
when the only thing that I've ever been fighting was myself
spent so much time thinking it was everybody else's responsibility to be my referee
pushing everyone away so I'd be right when they'd leave
throwing punches at the mirror trying to prove something
a martyr nobody asked for
there's no bravery in killing who I was before