I come home the first night, drunk as I could be
And there was a mule in the stable, where my mule orta be
I asked my wife, my pretty little wife, explain this thing to me
How come there’s a mule in the stable, where my mule orta be?
Well, you old fool, you drunken fool, can’t you plainly see
That’s nothin’ but a milk cow my granny gave to me?
Well, I’ve traveled the whole world over, ten thousand miles and more
And a saddle and a bridle on a milk cow I ain’t never seen before
Well, I come home the second night, drunk as I could be
And there was a hat on the hat rack, where my hat orta be
I asked my wife, my pretty little wife, explain this thing to me
How come there’s a hat on the hat rack, where my hat orta be?
Well, you old fool, you drunken fool, can’t you plainly see
That’s nothin’ but a chamber pot my granny gave to me?
Well, I’ve traveled the whole world over, ten thousand miles and more
And a John B. Stetson chamber pot I ain’t never seen before
Well, I come home the third night, drunk as I could be
And there was a pair of pants, where my pants orta be
I asked my wife, my pretty little wife, explain this thing to me
How come these pants on the chair, where my pants orta be?
Well, you old fool, your drunken fool, can’t you plainly see
That’s nothin’ but a dish rag my granny gave to me?
Well, I’ve traveled the whole world over, ten thousand miles and more
And a … zipper on a dish rag I ain’t never seen before
Well, I come home the last night, drunk as I could be
And there was a head on the pillow, where my head orta be
I asked my wife, my pretty little wife, explain this thing to me
How come there’s a head on the pillow, where my head orta be?
Well, you old fool, you drunken fool, can’t you plainly see
That’s nothin’ but a cabbage head my granny gave to me?
Well, I’ve traveled the whole world over, ten thousand miles and more
And a moustache on a cabbage I ain’t never seen before!