Bless this day
Pinnacle of life
Husband joined to wife
The heart leaps up to behold
This golden day
[Will:]
Emma, I cant find my shoes
Today is for Emma
Emma, I give you the rest of my life
To cherish and to keep you
To honor you forever
Today is for Emma
My happily soon-to-be wife
Emma, were really getting married!
[Emma:]
Pardon me
Is everybody there?
Because if everybodys there
I want to thank you all for coming to the wedding
Id appreciate your going even more
I mean you must have lots of better things to do
And not a word of this to Will
Remember Will, you know, the man Im gonna marry
But Im not
Because I wouldnt ruin anyone as wonderful as he is
But I thank you all
For the gifts and the flowers
Thank you all
Now its back to the showers
Dont tell Will
But Im not getting married today
[Mercedes:]
Bless this day
Tragedy of life
Husband yoked to wife
The heart sinks down and feels dead
This dreadful day
[Will:]
Emma, I cant find my good cuff-links
[Emma:]
Theyre on the dresser
Right next to my suicide note
Listen, everybody, look
I dont know what youre waiting for
A wedding, whats a wedding
Its a prehistoric ritual
Where everybody promises fidelity forever
Which is maybe the most horrifying word I ever heard of
Which is followed by a honeymoon
Where suddenly hell realize
Hes settled with a nut
And wanna kill me, which he should
So, thanks a bunch
But Im not getting married
Go have lunch
Cause Im not getting married
Youve been grand
But Im not getting married
Dont just stand there
Im not getting married
And dont tell Will
But Im not getting married today
Go, cant you go?
Why is nobody listening?
Goodbye
Go and cry
At another persons wake
If youre quick
For a kick
You could pick
Up a Christening
But please
On my knees
Theres a human life at stake!
Listen everybody
Im afraid you didnt hear
Or do you want to see a crazy lady fall apart in front of you
It isnt only Will, who may be ruining his life
You know well both of us be losing our identities
I telephoned my analyst about it and he said to see him Monday
But by Monday Ill be floating in the Hudson with the other garbage
Im not well
So Im not getting married
Youve been swell
But Im not getting married
Clear the hall
Cause Im not getting married
Thank you all
But Im not getting married
And dont tell Will
But Im not getting married today
[Mercedes:]
Bless this bride
Totally insane
Slipping down the drain
And bless this day in our hearts
As it starts to rain
[Will:]
Today is for Emma
[Emma (Will):]
Go, cant you go?
Look, you know (Emma)
I adore you all (I give you)
But why (The rest of)
Watch me die (My life)
Like Eliza on the ice? (To cherish)
Look, perhaps (And to keep you)
Ill collapse
In the apse
Right before you all
So take (To honor you)
Back the cake (Forever)
Burn the shoes and boil the rice (Today is for Emma)
Look, I didnt wanna have to tell you (My happily)
But I may be coming down with Hepatitis (Soon-to-be)
And I think Im gonna faint (Wife)
So if you wanna see me faint
Ill do it happily (My adorable)
But wouldnt it be funnier to go and watch a funeral (Wife)
So thank you for the twenty-seven dinner plates
Thirty-seven butter knives
Forty-seven paperweights
Fifty-seven candle holders
[Will:]
One more thing
[Emma:]
I am not getting married!
[Mercedes:]
Amen!
[Will:]
Softly said
[Emma:]
But Im not getting married!
[Mercedes:]
Amen!
[Will:]
With this ring
[Emma:]
Still Im not getting married!
[Mercedes:]
Amen!
[Will:]
I thee wed.
[Emma:]
See, Im not getting married!
[Mercedes:]
Amen!
[Will and Emma:]
Let us pray
[Will (Emma):]
That we are getting married (That Im not getting married)
[Will and Emma with the Wedding Guests:]
Today!