(Doctor Manhattan teleports into Lex Luthor's cell)
Lex Luthor:
Well, that took you long enough.
Doctor Manhattan:
I had 200-something characters to collect. You’re literally the last on the list.
(Doctor Manhattan rolls takes out an alphabetical list with the names of characters, with Lex Luthor at the bottom)
(The list dips into a puddle, blurring Lex Luthor's name)
Doctor Manhattan:
Oh, sorry. The floor is wet. I see you’ve been waiting a while.
(Nightcrawler teleports into Charles Xavier's cell with Yoda on his back)
Professor Charles Xavier:
Is this everyone?
(Doctor Manhattan teleports into Charles Xavier's cell with Lex Luthor)
(Lex Luthor vomits onto Charles Xavier's lap)
Lex Luthor:
Why couldn’t I go with the other blue guy? I would have paid extra for first class!
Nightcrawler:
There’s just a couple who haven’t put their uniforms on yet.
Professor Charles Xavier:
Who?
Nightcrawler:
It’s, uh, this Thor und Captain America.
Gamora:
Get them in here immediately, Kurt - we do not have time for this!
Peter Quill:
Hey!
The Penguin:
Why did some of us wake naked and others fully clothed?
Negasonic Teenage Warhead:
Nobody wants to see you naked.
The Penguin:
Ugh. Touche.
Professor Charles Xavier:
Is everyone clear on the situation?
Jean Grey (Sophie Turner):
Oscar regenerates us at the end of each battle with no memory of preceding events. Until now.
Jon Snow:
Like Westworld?
Dolores Abernathy:
Exactly like Westworld.
T-800:
Does this mean we are all actually robots?
(The T-800 removes the skin from its hand, revealing its robot endoskeleton)
T-800:
Mein Gott, it’s true!!!
Mace Windu:
You were always a robot, dumbass! You gotta to cut a real person’s hand off. I nominate Skywalker.
Luke Skywalker:
Don’t pigeon-hole me.
Trinity:
So why has this happened now? How did we break the cycle?
Professor Charles Xavier:
Jon?
Doctor Manhattan:
As the most frequent winner of the Super-Hero-Bowls,
(A flashback shows Doctor Manhattan talking with Oscar and trying to retain his memories)
Doctor Manhattan (voiceover):
I have had the truth revealed to be many times by this... "Oscar". It has taken years of practice, but I taught myself to retain my memories through my regenerations.
With my powers of precognition, I foresaw a chain of events that could lead us to this moment. Before the conclusion of the last Super-Hero-Bowl, I committed supercide as a diversion,
(A flashback shows Doctor Manhattan committing supercide in the Super-Hero-Bowl)
Doctor Manhattan (voiceover):
covertly restructuring myself inside the nearest cell, after which I was able to teleport between the cells until I’d found who I was looking for.
(Doctor Manhattan teleports to Hela's cell and Darth Vader's cell before teleporting to another cell)
Doctor Manhattan:
Arise, warrior.
Thanos:
Where am I? Who are you?
Doctor Manhattan:
I don’t have time to explain. In a few days, you will be forced to battle in an Arena. Unless you do as I say, you will lose.
Remember these words:
"Her power is unbeatable, but it wasn’t always".
Thanos:
Whose power? What are you talking about?
Doctor Manhattan:
When the time comes,
(Doctor Manhattan makes the Time Stone glow)
Doctor Manhattan:
you’ll know what to do.
(Doctor Manhattan is removed by a floating orb)
Thanos (voiceover):
I spent the next few days pottering around my cell, altering reality to keep myself entertained.
(A flashback shows Thanos playing basketball)
The Ancient One:
Why didn’t you just use the Time Stone to skip the wait?
Thanos:
I told you - I was entertained. I crocheted a rather smashing Christmas sweater.
(Thanos holds up a sweater saying "UNIVERSE'S GREATEST DAD")
Gamora:
Great. I know what I’m getting.
Thanos:
When the doors opened, I stepped out and you all know the rest. Speaking of which... You tricked me, man.
Doctor Manhattan:
That’s "Doctor" Man.
Captain Kirk:
Well, now that we’re all awake, why don’t you just beam us all out of here?
Doctor Manhattan:
The arena is enclosed in an invisible barrier that our powers are unable to penetrate. The barrier emanates from Oscar himself.
Caesar:
Destroy... Oscar... then... we... free.
Professor Charles Xavier:
The chimp is correct.
Raphael:
Mikey, what are you doing? Painting the Sistine Pizza Box?
Michelangelo:
I’m taking notes so I don’t forget.
(The pizza box has written on it: "Kill Gold dude = School's out")
Donatello:
It’s a secret plan, Mikey - you can’t write it down.
Leonardo:
Someone shred this.
(Leonardo throws the pizza box and Shredder shreds it, with the debris falling over Rocket)
Rocket:
Oh no! It’s happening again!
Korg:
Uh, guys... I think we need to address the Godzilla in the room, which is the fact that… Godzilla is in the room. And King Kong. And Optimal Price.
This makes no sense.
The Doctor:
It appears there's a spatial displacement field within these cells that allows beings of great size to occupy smaller volumes. Textbook dimensional transcendentality.
Korg:
Ok then. That’s poured a tonne of concrete into that plot hole.
(Katana speaks Japanese with subtitles reading: "What's with that guy?")
(Doctor Strange is using the Time Stone to view possible futures)
Doctor Strange:
I’ve checked the outcome of 15 million possible futures.
Art3mis:
How many did we win?
Doctor Strange:
Uhhhhhh… I’m gonna keep checking. You never find what you’re looking for in the first 15 million.
(Doctor Strange resumes checking possible futures)
Inigo Montoya:
It’s gonna take a miracle to pull this off.
Captain America:
No. It’s gonna take an army. It’s gonna take all of us.
Batman (Christian Bale):
I’m not working with that man. He’s the blight of my existence.
Bane:
You have my permission to cry about it.
Daenerys Targaryen:
I’m not working with her until she bends the knee.
Cersei Lannister:
How ‘bout I bend it in your face?
Harry Potter:
I’m not working with him. He killed my parents.
Luke Skywalker:
It’s better than him being your parent.
Gamora:
It’s better than your parent killing you.
Thanos:
Adoptive parent.
Han Solo:
It’s better than the parent being killed by the child.
Ego:
Agreed.
Thor:
It’s better than your sister taking one of your eyes!
Hela:
Are you sure it wasn’t you they adopted?
Darth Vader:
Cards on the table: You were an accident.
Luke Skywalker:
Oh, that's great! That's great...!
(Everyone begins arguing)
Black Widow
Everyone shut up.
???:
Shut up! Black Widow’s talking!
Black Widow:
We have to make a choice. We can continue to fight each other. Kill each other. Die. Over and over. Or... We can fight him. Just this once. And live.
(Two-Face flips a coin)
(The arena is shown)
Oscar:
Now, loyal subjects. It is time for Super-Showdown-Bowl. The Ultimate Hero...
(A hole in the giant floating orb opens and a blue beam carries Deadpool to the ground)
Deadpool:
Vu-ja de.
Oscar:
Versus The Ultimate Villain.
(A hole in the giant floating orb opens and a blue beam carries Harley Quinn to the ground)
Harley Quinn:
Ech. There’s so much more pressure when it’s a solo outing.
Oscar:
You are both here for one purpose:
To decide... once and for all... which of you is The Ultimate Warrior.
The Showdown begins... now.
Deadpool:
Much as I hate disappointing the people at home.
(Deadpool throws down his katanas)
Harley Quinn:
What are you doing?
Deadpool:
I can’t fight you.
Harley Quinn:
And why not? If it’s because I’m a girl than you are dead, minus the “pool”.
Deadpool:
Of course not. It’s because I dig you. And I just can’t bury someone I dig.
Harley Quinn:
What?
Deadpool:
I think we may actually be soulmates.
Harley Quinn:
OK. This is a trick, right? Although I’m not sure why you’d have to trick me in order to win. From the footage I’ve seen, you’re pretty much invincible.
Deadpool:
Not entirely. And believe me, If you hit me with that bat, you’d win, hands down. Because you see, I can repair any part of me that breaks... except my heart.
(Harley Quinn drops her bat)
(Two floating orbs fly down next to Harley Quinn and Deadpool)
Deadpool:
Oh, here we go...
Oscar:
You have both made a serious mistake.
(The ground starts to rumble)
Oscar:
What? What is... happening?
(A blue light flashes as Doctor Manhattan teleports in with Indiana Jones, Rey, Captain Phasma, C-3PO, Kylo Ren, R2-D2, Darth Vader, Luke Skywalker, Yoda, Supreme Leader Snoke, a Stormtrooper, Princess Leia, Emperor Palpatine, Boba Fett, Han Solo, Mace Windu, Count Dooku, General Grievous, Darth Maul, Nick Fury, Gamora, Rocket, Peter Quill, Groot, Drax, Mantis, Falcon, Hela, Nebula, Loki, Scarlet Witch, Hawkeye, Thor, Spider-Man, Thanos, Iron Man, Black Widow, Professor Hulk, Captain America, Ultron, Captain Marvel, Korg, Black Panther, Okoye, Vision, Shuri, War Machine, The Ancient One, Ant-Man, Doctor Strange, The Winter Soldier, Wasp, Professor Charles Xavier, Jean Grey, Rogue, Laura Kinney, Wolverine, Magneto, Mystique, Storm, Nightcrawler, Psylocke, Colossus, Beast, Kitty Pryde, Quicksilver (Evan Peters), Lady Deathstrike, Archangel, Cyclops, Iceman, Negasonic Teenage Warhead, Cable, Emma Frost, Apocalypse, Frodo Baggins, Gandalf, Gollum, The Witch King of Angmar, Bilbo Baggins, Sauron, Saruman, Galadriel, Eowyn, Gimli, Legolas Greenleaf, Aragon, Shelob, Hermione Granger, Albus Dumbeldore, Harry Potter, Voldemort, Severus Snape, Ron Weasley, Bellatrix LeStrange, Newt Scamander, a Sentinel (The Matrix), Catwoman, Batman (Michael Keaton), The Penguin, Batman (Christian Bale), Batman (Ben Affleck), The Joker (Heath Ledger), The Joker (Jack Nicholson), The Joker (Joaquin Phoenix), The Joker (Jared Leto), The Riddler, Mr. Freeze, Poison Ivy, Bane, Scarecrow (DC), Doomsday, Two-Face, Killer Croc, Katana, Deadshot, El Diablo, Enchantress, Wonder Woman, Steppenwolf, Superman, Cyborg, General Zod, Aquaman, The Flash, Green Lantern, Mera, Xenomorph Queen, Lex Luthor, and the T-800)
(Lex Luthor throws up)
Harley Quinn:
Sure hope you guys are on my team.
Deadpool:
ARGH! Too many pop culture references to be made! Brain overloading!
The Joker (Jared Leto):
We’re here for the Oscar. I’m not ashamed to say it.
Harley Quinn:
Puddin! You’re alive?
Deadpool:
Dang! It’s so hard to get some alone time in this arena of death!
Hellboy:
OK. What the hell do we do now?
Scarlet Witch:
How do we get him to come down?
William Wallace:
Oscar bait.
Maximus Decimus Meridius:
My name is Gluteus Maximus.
Clarice Starling:
The lambs just wouldn’t shut up.
Dr. Hannibal Lecter:
I’m having an old friend over to my house for a light supper.
Annie Wilkes:
I’m your number two fan.
Don Vito Corleone:
They gave me an Oscar I couldn’t refuse. But I did.
Mildred Ratched:
Cuckoo!
The Joker (Heath Ledger):
Why such silliness?
Deadpool:
Those aren’t the frickin’ lines, guys.
Hans Landa:
Cut us some slack! We are characters, not actors.
(An X-Wing Fighter takes off piloted by Luke Skywalker)
Luke Skywalker:
Leave this to me, guys. I’ve had experience blowing large balls.
Just gotta find a long crack with a hole at the end I can shoot into.
(Hans Gruber is listening to Luke Skywalker with a walkie talkie)
Darth Vader:
I just want to make clear: I wasn’t around during his formative years.
(The giant floating orb shoots at the X-Wing, but it dodges and shoots out the orb's eye)
(Oscar drops through the bottom of the giant floating orb)
(The crowd cheers)
Yoda:
A bad feeling about this, I have.
Spock:
Do not fear, my friends. He’s just a trophy villain.
Oscar:
Did you really think I would grant you all these extraordinary powers and not partake myself?
(A hatch opens up on Oscar's leg that dispenses a lightsaber to him, and he also sprouts adamantium claws)
(Oscar uses his laser eyes to shoot Batman (George Clooney) through the nipples)
(The Mask performs an exaggerated shocked facial expression)
(Imhotep's jaw drops)
Batman (Michael Keaton):
Did anyone else just... guano themselves?
(Darth Vader presses a button on his suit, making the sound of a flushing toilet)
Rogue:
Hey! Stealing other people’s things is my thing. He stole my thing!
Thor:
Aiming for the head.
(Thor throws Stormbreaker at Oscar, but he catches it and breaks it)
Hela:
He stole my move. Bastard!
Proxima Midnight:
Destroy him, Father.
Thanos:
I’m gonna kill you with all the colours of the rainbow.
Except indigo.
(Thanos uses all of the Infinity Stones on Oscar, but he reflects them with an ersatz Captain America shield)
(The Mind Stone beam hits Vision, the Soul Stone beam hits the Xenomorph Queen, the Power Stone beam hits Tony Stark's suit, deactivating it; the Reality Stone beam hits Superman, giving him a moustache; the Time Stone beam hits Darth vader, turning him into young Anakin Skywalker; and the Space Stone beam hits Scarecrow (DC), teleporting him to a field in Oz)
Scarecrow (The Wizard of Oz):
If I only had a brain...
(Scarecrow (DC) screams)
Tony Stark:
Oh no. Oh, this thing is heavy!
(Tony Stark falls to the ground)
Anakin Skywalker:
No! NOOOOO!
Jar Jar Binks:
Meesa used to think Darth Vader was a bom-badass, but nowsa he poodoo!
Xenomorph Queen:
I never wanted to burst open someone’s chest - I was just born that way. Oh, I feel absolutely dreadful that a poor soul had to perish so that I could prosper.
(Vision makes chicken noises)
Thanos:
That... infinitely backfired.
(Oscar uses the Force to take the Infinity Gauntlet, crushes it, and eats the Infinity Stones)
Oscar:
Mmm. The green ones are my favourite.
Thanos:
Don’t be fooled. They’re all the same flavour.
Oscar:
Is that all you’ve got?
Cyborg:
Everybody CHAAAARGE!!
(Cyborg plugs a charging cable into his head)
Black Panther:
Heroes and Villains forever!
(Black Panther, Captain America, Voldemort, Wonder Woman, Rey, Psylocke, and Sauron charge)
(Legolas Greenleaf, Venom, a Stormtrooper, Jean Grey, Poison Ivy, Jack Torrance, Patrick Bateman, King Leonidas I, Azog, a Xenomorph Drone, Lurtz, and The Lizard charge)
(An ariel shot shows all of the heroes and villains running toward Oscar in the middle of the arena)
(Professor Hulk punches Oscar, but he catches his fist and kicks him)
(Yoda jumps off of Professor Hulk's back and draws his lightsaber, but Oscar deflects with his own and uses Force lightning to push Yoda away)
(Michelangelo, Raphael, Donatello, and Leonardo jump at Oscar, but he uses ersatz Doctor Octopus tentacles to catch them and throw them away)
(Green Goblin flies on his glider and drops Gamora onto Oscar's shoulder so she can stab him, but she is thrown into The Wicked Witch of the West)
(Green Lantern uses his ring to make a fist punch Oscar, but he blocks it with magic and breathes fire, burning him)
The Mask:
Ssssmokin’!
(Nebula is standing with Nightcrawler, Ronan the Accuser, Mystique, Electro, Beast, Neytiri, Apocalypse, and Mr. Freeze)
Nebula:
So much for the green team.
(Nebula high-fives Nightcrawler's tail before Oscar shoots a missile at them)
(Vulture shoots Oscar with his Chitauri Gun, but Oscar uses Scarlet Witch's magic to tear his wings off, one of which hits Boba Fett)
(War Machine shoots Oscar using his machine guns, but Oscar uses an ersatz Sling Ring to send them through a portal to The Ancient One)
War Machine:
Oh.
(Oscar uses ersatz web shooters to grab Spider-Man and performs a yo-yo move)
Oscar:
Walk the dog.
(Captain America throws his shield and cuts Oscar's web, but Oscar catches the shield and breaks it in half)
(A Xenomorph Drone lunges at Oscar, but he catches it by the neck and bites its head with his inner jaw)
(Oscar uses a shoulder cannon to destroy a Martian, Ronan the Accuser, and Venom)
(Thanos tries to attack Oscar with his Double-Edged Sword, but Oscar holds it and stabs him with a liquid metal spike hand)
(Time slows down)
Quicksilver (Evan Peters):
He’s strong but he’s not as fast as us.
The Flash:
What’s the plan?
Quicksilver (Evan Peters):
Well, I...
(Oscar is standing next to them, snoring)
Oscar:
Pardon me. I dozed off whilst you were talking about how fast you are. I also killed you.
(Quicksilver (Evan Peters) and The Flash are shown to have holes through their chests)
(Quicksilver (Aaron-Taylor Johnson) also has a hole through his chest)
Quicksilver (Aaron-Taylor Johnson):
I didn’t see that coming.
(Oscar throws an ersatz Necrosword at Hela)
(Oscar sprouts Vibranium claws and cuts Black Panther)
(Oscar stabs Beatrix Kiddo, Elle Driver, and Katana through with an ersatz katana, just missing O-Ren Ishii)
(Oscar throws an ersatz Batarang at Nite Owl)
Batman (Christian Bale):
That was... probably meant for me, but--
(Oscar throws an ersatz Batarang at Batman)
(Oscar turns his hand into a giant flyswatter and swats The Fly, The Bug, and a Warrior Arachnid)
(Oscar licks his fingers and puts out Ghost Rider's flaming skull)
Ghost Rider:
Hey!
(Oscar assimilates Agent Smith)
Agent Smith:
It’s an honour to be nominated.
(Agent Smith shoots Two-Face and Deadshot)
(King Kong picks up Oscar, but Oscar freezes his head and summons an ersatz Mjolnir)
Oscar:
Ding dong.
(Oscar smashes King Kong's head with his ersatz Mjolnir)
(Oscar throws his ersatz Mjolnir at Thor and General Zod)
(Oscar summons lightning to his ersatz Mjolnir and electrocutes Elektra, fills Harry Potter's face with scars, and tries to electrocute Han Solo, but it is absorbed by Luke Skywalker's lightsaber)
Han Solo:
Luke. I owe you one.
Luke Skywalker:
I think we’re even.
(Oscar jumps on Han Solo and Luke Skywalker, crushing them)
Colossus:
Get him, Soup-strainer man!
Superman:
Man of Steel v Man of Gold.
(Superman flies into Oscar and punches him but breaks his hand)
Superman:
YOW!!! Marthaf--!
(Oscar tears off Superman's cape and throws him on the ground)
Superman:
I’m so cold!
(Ash Williams is trying to cut Oscar's leg with his chainsaw arm)
Ash Williams:
Tragically, this is probably the closest I’ll ever get to an Oscar.
(Oscar uses a chainsaw to cut Ash Williams' hand off)
Oscar:
Don’t be a “saw” loser.
Ash Williams:
I would NOT like to thank the Academy!
(Iron Man is crawling along the ground)
Iron Man:
Slow… and steady… wins… the race!
(In the background, an Agent Smith shoots a Velociraptor)
Dominic Toretto:
Unless that race is fast and furious.
(Dominic Toretto is driving a truck that transforms into Optimus Prime)
Optimus Prime:
Pull up a chair - it’s Prime Time!
(Optimus Prime hits Oscar with his sword, but Oscar catches it and transforms into Aurumbot)
Aurumbot:
We’ll be right back… after the break.
(Aurumbot breaks Optimus Prime's sword in half and stabs him with the end of the blade)
(Tony Stark is pulled away by a web before Optimus Prime's arm falls)
Spider-Man:
Stay at the outer edge, Mr. Stark, so you don’t get hurt!
(In the background, Mr. Freeze freezes an Agent Smith, but he breaks out and shoots him)
(Spider-Man webs away)
Iron Man:
Well. Can’t get any lower than this.
(A Porg lands on Iron Man, making him sink into the sand)
(Optimus Prime's head falls in front of Mera)
Optimus Prime:
He kicked my Auto-butt.
Mera:
How can we defeat him? He has all our powers.
Captain America:
Well so do we.
(Captain America summons Mjolnir, but it is heavily damaged, so he drops it)
Captain America:
The only way we can defeat him is if we work together.
Dominic Toretto:
Just like a family.
Black Widow:
Yeah. Like a team.
Batman (Ben Affleck):
Like a league.
Harley Quinn:
Like a squad!
Davy Jones:
Like a crew!
Xenomorph Queen:
Like an eclectic assortment of individuals who share a common goal! Hoorah, I say!
(Black Widow, puts her hand in and is joined by Aquaman, Black Panther, Beast, ???, Captain Marvel, Gamora, Groot, Hellboy, Korg, Laura Kinney, Colossus, the Xenomorph Queen, Batman (Ben Affleck), Davy Jones, Deadpool, Doctor Manhattan, Freddy Kreuger, Harley Quinn, Hela, Nebula, Neytiri, Nightcrawler, Catwoman, The Wicked Witch of the West, Spider-Man, Wolverine, the T-800, The Riddler, the Predator, and Professor Hulk)
Black Widow:
Guys, cool as this looks, my hand is on the bottom and it's now unbelievably heavy.
(Laura Kinney attack Oscar's leg with her claws)
Laura Kinney:
He’s impervious to adamantium!
(Killmonger claws Oscar's leg)
Killmonger:
He’s impervious to vibranium!
(Ghostface stabs Oscar's leg with his knife and then talks into his walkie talkie)
Ghostface:
He’s impervious to stainless steel!
(Zorro tries to draw a 'Z' on Oscar's butt with his sword)
Zorro:
Aha! And the stainable steel!
(Oscar draws an 'O' in Zorro's chest with a blade)
(Scarlet Witch holds Oscar with Magic, Superman uses his laser vision, Ultron shoots lasers, Captain Marvel shoots him, Storm shocks him, Sentinel (X-Men) shoots him, and Cyclops uses his laser vision on him)
(Oscar puts on sunglasses and applies sun cream)
Captain Marvel:
It seems to be having an effect.
(Oscar shoots lasers from his fingertips at all of them)
Enchantress:
I know what he wants: To tear us a new one in front of all his subjects.
Jean Grey:
He thinks we’re pathetic. Paltry.
(Vision clucks)
Jean Grey:
That we don’t stand a chance.
Betelgeuse:
What are you, a mindreader?
Jean Grey:
Well... yeah.
Galadriel:
I concur.
Emma Frost:
That’s what I’m hearing.
Professor Charles Xavier:
I’m picking that up on my FM, yes.
Rey:
Wait - there’s something else. Something deeper. Not a thought, but a feeling.
Kylo Ren:
I feel it too. In fact, I probably felt it before you did.
Rey:
As if!
Supreme Leader Snoke:
Silence! I sense it also! The tiniest trace of...
Mantis:
Fear!
(Oscar punches Mantis off his shoulders)
Emperor Palpatine:
There is a hidden weakness he hopes we will not uncover.
Count Dooku:
Whatever could it be?
(Wasp flies onto Oscar's ankle)
Wasp:
Scott! I think I’ve found something! A scratch!
Ant-Man:
Walk it off, Hope. Or fly it off, with your exclusive “wings”.
(In the background, an Agent Smith assimilates Enchantress)
Wasp:
Not on me - on Oscar! From the detailed scratch analysis, it was only inflicted in the last few minutes.
Ant-Man:
Captain!
Captain America/Captain Marvel/Captain Kirk/Captain Phasma/Captain Jack Sparrow/Captain Barbossa:
Yes?
(The Captains gather around Ant-Man)
Ant-Man:
Where is it located?
Wasp:
It’s on his Achilles tendon.
Achilles:
You know who that’s named after, right?
(Katniss Everdeen shoots an arrow at Oscar, but it bounces off and hits Achilles in the Achilles tendon)
Pennywise:
Well how did it happen? Who went for the foot?
Catwoman:
Well, if it’s a scratch it probably came from me.
Beast:
Hey. I scratched him way harder than you.
Catwoman:
Oh, please. You couldn’t scratch a scratch-and-sniff with that manicure.
Freddy Kreuger:
Hey! If either of you think you can beat me in a claw measuring contest, you’re dreaming!
Selene:
Maybe it was a bite. I was knacking on his feet for a while there.
Alice:
Ew.
El Diablo:
Maybe it’s a burn.
Poison Ivy:
Maybe it’s a rash.
Mr. Freeze:
Maybe... it’s frostbite!
The Joker (Heath Ledger):
Maybe it was the same way I got my scars: Someone gave him a harmonica made from recycled soda cans.
Wasp:
Guys, it’s a scratch. The scratch analysis was conclusive.
Jareth:
The only way to know what caused the scratch is to turn back time. If only we could!
Nebula:
We can! Strange! Stop checking futures. We need you to check the past!
(Oscar shoots the Time Stone)
Doctor Strange:
Ah crap.
Kitty Pryde:
I can handle this. I’ll send his consciousness into his younger self.
(Kitty Pryde is tying to send Wolverine's consciousness into his younger self, but Oscar shoots her)
(Wolverine cries like a baby)
Bill Preston:
Chill, dudes! We got this!
(Oscar shoots Bill and Ted's Phone Booth, making it explode)
The Doctor:
The Tardis!
Ted Logan:
Whoa! Who you callin’ “tards”, man?
Henry Jones, Sr.:
Is there no one else who travels through time?
(The DeLorean drives in from another time)
Marty McFly:
Boy, they really redressed the Town Square this time.
Dr. Emmett Brown:
I don’t think we’re in Hill Valley anymore, Marty.
Okoye:
We need you to go back ten minutes in time and find out how that giant Oscar got a scratch on his heel.
Dr. Emmett Brown:
Ten minutes? That’s hardly worth my time!
(Hermione Granger, the T-800, Dr. Evil, The Doctor, Bill Preston, Doctor Strange, and Ted Logan step forward)
Hermione Granger:
We’re coming too.
Dr. Emmett Brown:
The time machine only seats two!
Hermione Granger:
Expando minivan-o!
(The DeLorean time machine expands into a minivan)
Dr. Emmett Brown:
Climb aboard. Watch the leather!
Doctor Strange:
Who are you?
The Doctor:
I’m who. Who are you?
Doctor Strange:
I’m Strange. Who’s asking?
The Doctor:
Yes I am. And what’s your name?
Ron Weasley:
Hermione, can I come?
Hermione Granger:
Sorry Ron. Time travellers only.
Ron Weasley:
I travel through time! I travel forwards, in real time.
See? I started talking to you five seconds ago, and now I’m here!
Dr. Emmett Brown:
Where we’re going, we don’t need Ron Weasley.
Ron Weasley:
You what?
(The DeLorean starts flying and Oscar shoots lightning at it, causing it to disappear)
Princess Leia:
Help us, group of random time travellers. You’re our only hope.
(A caption says "Sunday December 24 1939")
(The DeLorean time machine appears in the sky)
The Doctor:
What the blazes just happened?
Marty McFly:
Doc! According to the time circuits, we’ve jumped back 80 years.
(The arena is shown in an incomplete state)
Hermione Granger:
There’s people fighting down there!
(The Little Tramp hits Rufus T. Firefly)
Rufus T. Firefly:
I’m more a lover than a fighter. At least I would be if my lovers didn’t put up a fight.
Shirley Blake:
On the good ship, Lollipop...
(Dorothy Gale clicks her ruby slippers together)
Dorothy Gale:
There’s no place like home. There’s no place like home.
(King Kong crushes The Little Tramp, Rufus T. Firefly, Shirley Blake, Dorothy Gale, and Toto)
Oscar:
King Kong. You... are the Ultimate Warrior.
(The audience boos)
Female Audience Member:
Boo! That didn’t go the distance at all!
Oscar:
People, please - this is still in its infancy. The more movies Earth makes, the more characters there will be. Imagine this battle in 80 years.
Female Audience Member:
We don’t live that long!
Male Audience Member:
Hey, what’s that up there?
Marty McFly:
Time to go!
The Doctor:
Allons-y!
T-800:
We should go further back in time and kill Oscar when he is a defenceless child.
Hermione Granger:
No! That’s cheating! Also, you may only end up scarring him.
(The DeLorean time machine travels to the future and hits into Neo)
The Doctor:
My God!
Ted Logan:
Dudes, it’s my doppelgangster!
(The DeLorean flies toward a giant Ant-Man)
Dr. Emmett Brown:
GREAT SCOTT!
(Ant-Man picks up the DeLorean)
Ant-Man:
Hey, a flying car! They promised, and they finally delivered.
(Ant-Man moves the car around, making everybody nauseous)
Hermione Granger:
I’m in a car with four doctors and I’ve never felt so sick!
(Dr. Evil opens a window an sticks his head out)
Dr. Evil:
You know Scott, it’s not cool to mess with another man’s private vehicle. Ok?
Ant-Man:
Oh. Sorry.
(Ant-Man lets go of the DeLorean)
Marty McFly:
Doc, what are we doing in a previous Super-Hero-Bowl?
Dr. Emmett Brown:
We've only made it 99% of the way because we’ve run out of plutonium!
The Doctor:
What - you don’t have backup?
Dr. Evil:
Who travels through time without contingency plutonium? Honestly!
Dr. Emmett Brown:
The only power source capable of generating the 1.21 jigowatts of electricity we need is a bolt of lightning! Unfortunately, you never know when or where one’s ever gonna STRIKE!
(A lightning bolt strikes Ant-Man through the chest)
Thor:
Haha! Take that, tiny man!
Bill Preston:
Excellent! But how do we get him to channel that energy into the flex gespatchitor?
Dr. Emmett Brown:
Flux capacitor!
Ted Logan:
Right on!
T-800:
I’ll take care of it.
Hermione Granger:
Wait! Where are you going?
T-800:
Trust me.
T-800:
Hey blondie!
(The T-800 is on roof of the DeLorean)
T-800:
Kill me! Do it! KILL ME! I'M HERE! DO IT!!!
Thor:
Well, you’re literally asking for it.
(Thro electrocutes the T-800 and he touches the DeLorean, powering the Flux Capacitor)
Dr. Emmett Brown:
It’s working!
(The T-800's face is melting off)
T-800:
GET TO THE FUTURE!!!
(The T-800 explodes as the DeLorean disappears)
(A blue beam carries Deadpool to the ground)
Deadpool:
Vu-ja de.
(The DeLorean time machine appears in the sky)
Dr. Evil:
Are we then yet?
Dr. Emmett Brown:
Precisely on schedule.
Doctor Strange:
Let’s get somewhere less conspicuous.
(Doctor Strange open a portal to an empty cell and brings the DeLorean through it)
Doctor Strange:
OK. How do we get close enough to Oscar to witness this miraculous lesion?
Hermione Granger:
With this!
(Hermione Granger holds up nothing)
Hermione Granger:
I borrowed it from a friend.
Bill Preston:
There’s nothing there.
Dr. Evil:
I knew that gingernut was poor but who lends somebody air?
Hermione Granger:
Not him! My other friend! It’s an invisibility cloak. Watch.
(Hermione Granger puts on the invisibility cloak and turns invisible)
Hermione Granger:
It’s literally the greatest cloak ever!
(The Cloak of Levitation starts to fly toward Hermione but is caught by Doctor Strange)
Doctor Strange:
Don’t engage.
(Doctor Strange and Hermione Granger enter the arena on a hoverboard covered in the invisibility cloak)
Hermione Granger:
Now for the next ten minutes, don’t take your eyes off his feet.
Doctor Strange:
Good thing I have a fetish.
(Tiffany and Chucky are stabbing Oscar's foot)
Tiffany:
Just for once I’d like to pick on someone my own size!
(Tiffany throws her knife at Chucky's face)
Chucky:
Not the face! I’m a collectible!
Tiffany:
Yeah, you and all the other Cabbage Patch Kids.
Hermione Granger:
Well, it wasn’t Child’s Play.
(Hermione crosses a name off her notepad)
(The Riddler is spinning his cane around and drops it, hitting Oscar's foot and leaving a scratch)
The Riddler:
If a cane falls in an arena and no one’s around to see it, does it really fall?
Hermione Granger:
That’s it!
Oscar:
I hear you!
(Oscar grabs the invisibility cloak just after Hermione Granger and Doctor Strange have left through a portal)
(The video fast-forwards through the Super-Showdown-Bowl)
Princess Leia:
...You’re our only hope.
(Marty McFly, Doctor Strange, Hermione Granger, and Dr. Emmett Brown step forward)
Doctor Strange:
Then it’s lucky we succeeded.
Saruman:
What the? We just sent you back to the past!
Marty McFly:
Yeah I know, you did send us back to the past but we’re back -
we’re back from the past!
(In the background, an Agent Smith shoots Chucky)
Hermione Granger:
And we know his weakness. It’s gold!
Doctor Strange:
Elementary, my dear Wa-
Hermione Granger:
Shut it!
Captain Barbossa:
So we buy him off with gold and he lets us go?
Dr. Evil:
No, you idiot. Gold is what hurts him.
Lara Croft:
So he’s vulnerable to a single element that’s native to a different planet but it still happens to be here? That’s weird.
Superman:
Yes. Super weird.
John McClane:
Alright. Let’s go for gold.
Aquaman:
I’ll try and dent him with my trident!
(Aquaman throws his trident at Oscar's chest)
The Riddler:
No “cane”, no gain!
(The Riddler throws his cane at Oscar's arm)
Indiana Jones:
“Idol” hands do the Devil’s work!
(Indiana Jones throws the Chachapoyan Fertility Idol at Oscar's head)
Rita Repulsa:
Get “staffed”!
(Rita Repulsa throws her staff at Oscar's arm)
Captain Jack Sparrow:
You can’t handle the tooth!
(Captain Jack Sparrow bites Oscar's arm)
Loki:
Guys, I can’t think of a lame pun for “scepter”. I mean, I’ve been playing around with “September”... “septic”... “septuagenarian”...
(In the background, a T-Rex eats an Agent Smith but is killed from within)
(Oscar lifts Loki by the neck)
Oscar:
So you’ve found my weakness.
Loki:
I’m sorry!
Oscar:
Apology... acc-”scepter”d.
(Oscar stabs Loki's scepter through Loki's chest)
Loki:
Nailed it.
Thor:
NOOO! You’re going to die for th-
(Oscar throws Loki's scepter through Thor)
(In the background, Poison Ivy blows love dust in an Agent Smith's face but he just shoots her)
(The Mask is in a miner's costume)
The Mask:
Aren’t you gonna throw all your gold at him?
Grendel's Mother:
It’s not happening.
(The Mask returns to normal)
The Mask:
Worth a shot!
(The Mask cartoonishly runs away)
C-3PO:
I am fluent in over 6 million forms of scratching!
(C-3PO scratches Oscar's leg before he is kicked to pieces)
Jules Winnfield:
Our Oscar campaign is falling to pieces!
Green Goblin:
We can hurt him, but it’s not enough!
Shuri:
Perhaps it is like a food allergy.
Regan MacNeil:
So the worst he has to fear from us is a bad case of hives?
Shuri:
If you are highly allergic to peanuts, and you touch a peanut, you may get a rash. But if you swallow the peanut...
(In the background, an Agent Smith shoots Angel)
Drax:
So... we just need to get him to swallow a peanut. WHO'S GOT PEANUTS???
Shuri:
I mean swallow gold!
Queen Ravenna:
What do we have that’s made of gold and small enough to swallow?
(Captain Jack Sparrow hides his Aztec gold coin)
Captain Jack Sparrow:
Haven’t the foggiest idea...
Tony Montana:
Think! We have precious little time!
Gollum:
“Precious”!
Deadpool:
Harley! We need a small amount of gold to feed to Oscar in order to kill him. Does that... RING... any bells?
Harley Quinn:
You know, I’d really like to help you out, D.P., but the thing is... THE RING IS MINE!
(Harley Quinn's appearance has become similar to Gollum's)
Deadpool:
Women really do let themselves go when you slap a ring on ‘em!
(Harley Quinn puts on The One Ring and disappears before beating up Deadpool)
Deadpool:
Boy this crowd sure got their cake and ate it!
Frodo Baggins:
She’s been consumed by the power of the Ring. I’ve been there. Recovering Ringaholic, 16 years sober.
(The Predator uses its infrared vision to point out Harley Quinn to The Joker (Jared Leto), who then shoots a smile into her chest)
Deadpool:
NOOOOOO!
The Joker (Jared Leto):
Ah, there’s plenty more fish in the sewer.
(Deadpool takes The One Ring off Harley Quinn's finger)
Harley Quinn:
I don’t think I’m in a healthy relationship.
Deadpool:
Strongly seconded!
Harley Quinn:
Well that’s it then - we are through! And I ain’t stoppin’ there! I'm gonna clean myself up! I’m- I'm gonna respect myself. I’m gonna stop breaking things and start building ‘em. I’m gonna wear jeans. When people see me coming, they won’t cover their kid’s eyes no more - they’ll push 'em forward and whisper, “you could be just like her one day, if you work hard and live pure.”
I feel like my life is just beginning.
Deadpool:
No. No! Harley... I’ll never let go.
(Oscar uses lasers to cut off Deadpool's arms)
Deadpool:
Unless of course someone gives me laser arm removal.
Oscar:
You’re luck’s run out, ‘Pool.
(Oscar waves his hand and makes Deadpool explode)
Deadpool:
Every now and then I fall apart.
(In the background, Wonder Woman gives Captain America her shield)
(Gollum picks up The One Ring)
Gollum:
YESSS!!!!
(Gollum puts The One Ring on his finger and disappears)
Deadpool:
No! NO! Come back here! Smeagol! Gollum! Whatever you’re going by these days!
The Red Queen:
Release the not-so-secret weapon!
(In the background, Captain America throws Wonder Woman's shield at an Agent Smith)
(Godzilla approaches Oscar and uses its atomic breath on him, to no effect)
(In the background, Wonder Woman whips an Agent Smith, destroying him)
(Oscar grows taller than Godzilla)
Falcon:
Size does matter!
(Oscar steps on Godzilla)
(Doctor Manhattan teleports in front of Oscar)
Oscar:
Well if it isn’t the MVP.
Doctor Manhattan:
The power you’ve accumulated is too much for any one being.
(Oscar plays a violin with two fingers)
Oscar:
You hear that? I’m playing the world’s smallest violin for you.
Doctor Manhattan:
Given our current enormity, that’s actually the size of a normal violin.
Oscar:
Whatever.
(Oscar drops the violin onto Iron Man's head)
Iron Man:
Why?
(Iron Man falls unconscious)
(In the background, The Riddler throws his staff through an Agent Smith's chest, killing him)
Doctor Manhattan:
You know you can’t destroy me.
Oscar:
Of course I can. Your weakness is your emotions. Emotions such as... self-loathing.
(Oscar sends thoughts of self-loathing into Doctor Manhattan's mind)
Doctor Manhattan:
I’m just a big blue bully. With a body I didn’t earn.
(Doctor Manhattan takes a bite from a Wonka Bar)
Severus Snape/Newt Scamander/Voldemort/Albus Dumbeldore/Bellatrix LeStrange/Hermione Granger/Harry Potter/Ron Weasley:
Reducio!
(Oscar returns to normal size)
(In the background, Aquaman throws his trident through an Agent Smith, killing him)
(Oscar produces an ersatz wand)
Oscar:
Picasso.
(Severus Snape, Newt Scamander, Voldemort, Albus Dumbeldore, Bellatrix LeStrange, Hermione Granger, Harry Potter, and Ron Weasley morph into a Picasso painting)
Sarah Connor:
Now!
(Wonder Woman throws her lasso around Oscar's neck, Professor Hulk and Colossus grab Oscar's legs, and Superman and Captain Marvel grab Oscar's arms)
Leeloo:
Doctor Manhattan!
(Leeloo consults a "Divine Language to English" dictionary)
Leeloo:
"Ple-ase... halp!"
Doctor Manhattan:
Don’t you mean... Doctor Man-FATTEN!!!
(Doctor Manhattan turns around, revealing his obese physique and eating a bucket of "Fudge My Life")
Rorschach:
YEEEK! That’s the most horrific thing I’ve ever seen!
Silk Spectre:
Jon, you can’t eat your pain!
(In the background, Ant-Man shrinks and jumps on Neytiri's arrow)
Oscar:
Destroy the Warriors!
(The floating orbs descend from the giant floating orb and turn Aquaman, William Wallace, Star-Lord, Electro, Storm, and Supreme Leader Snoke into skeletons)
(Selene and Alice are shooting down the orbs)
(In the background, one of the orbs turns Darth Maul into a skeleton)
(The Red Queen picks up Deadpool's head)
The Red Queen:
Where’s the Ring? They can’t hold him forever!
(In the background, one of the orbs turns Nebula into a skeleton)
Deadpool:
What- oh, the Ring? It was stolen by that Sphynx cat on meth!
(In the background, Spider-Man uses his mechanical legs to stab an Agent Smith)
(John Wick shoots almost all of the remaining orbs)
John Wick:
I killed them. I killed them all.
(In the background, The Joker (Heath Ledger) knocks out an Agent Smith with the butt of his gun)
(An orb flies past behind John Wick)
Oscar:
Don’t you see? If you kill me, you cannot be regenerated. The next time you die, you die for good! You know I am telling the truth.
Wonder Woman:
We would rather die free than live forever as your puppets.
Oscar:
Oh, don’t make me barf!
(Oscar sets himself on fire)
Professor Hulk:
HULK LIKE RAGING FIRE!!
(Oscar grows spikes on his right arm, impaling Superman)
(Oscar's hand morphs into an Infinity Gauntlet)
Superman:
NO!!!
(Oscar snaps his fingers)
(Superman turns into dust)
(The Red Queen turns into dust and drops Deadpool's head)
The Red Queen:
Oh!
(In the background, The Joker (Heath Ledger) turns into dust)
Captain America:
So this is what it feels like... when doves die…
(Captain America, The Riddler, and Beast turn into dust)
(Professor Hulk turns into dust)
(Wonder Woman turns into dust and Black Widow and Rey hold her lasso)
(Spider-Man shoots his web onto Oscar's ersatz Infinity Gauntlet and Catwoman and Indiana Jones both whip it)
Gollum:
No! NO! NOOOOO!!!
(Gollum turns into dust, dropping The One Ring)
(Iron Man grabs The One Ring)
Iron Man:
I got it!
(Iron Man's hand turns into dust)
Iron Man:
Oh, maybe not. Ohhhh, I don’t feel so good...
(Iron Man turns into dust)
(BB-8 rolls onto The One Ring and dispenses it to Neytiri who catches it an places it on her arrow)
Lara Croft:
Now, Neytitty!
Scarlet Witch:
We can’t hold him much longer!
(The One Ring glows)
Sauron (voice):
I... SEE... YOU...
Neytiri:
I see you.
Gandalf:
Sauron! Turn off your Ring-tone!
Sauron:
I’ll switch it to vibrate only.
(The One Ring vibrates and Neytiri fires the arrow, but Oscar grows an arm out of his chest and catches it)
Oscar:
Fools! Do you not understand? To me, you are ANTS!
(Ant-Man runs across the arrow and jumps off with The One Ring)
Ant-Man:
WITH THIS RING, THY BE DEAD!!!
(Black Widow and Rey pull Wonder Woman's lasso, pulling Oscar's head back as Ant-Man and The One Ring fall into Oscar's mouth)
(Oscar's hand starts to crack)
Oscar:
No! This... cannot... be!
Thanos:
All those movies you studied for so many years. You never noticed what always happens... to the villain?
Oscar:
But... I thought I was… the hero.
(Oscar's head cracks and explodes)
Deadpool:
And the Oscar goes to... hell.
(The audience applauds)
Irina Spalko:
Guess he was not a popular dictator.
Wasp:
Scott.
(The Zorg ZF-1 Pod Weapon System, Captain America's shield, and various bones and costumes are strewn about the floor)
O-Ren Ishii:
Are we all that’s left?
(Batman (Ben Affleck) holds Wonder Woman's lasso)
Kaecilius:
How can we claim to have won, given how many we lost?
(Deadpool looks at Harley Quinn's bat)
Black Widow:
Well... There’s one more he can afford to lose.
(Black Widow aims her gun at the last orb)
Professor Charles Xavier:
No! Wait. Raven. You know what to do.
(Mystique's face transforms into Oscar's)
Professor Charles Xavier:
Oh, wow! That’s a… much better idea than what I was thinking of.
Oscar (Mystique):
Regenerate... the Warriors.
(The orb stays floating)
(Mystique's face transforms back into her own)
Mystique:
It was worth a shot.
(Mystique dies)
(The orb regenerates Mystique)
Professor Charles Xavier:
Raven?
(The orb regenerates Ant-Man)
Wasp:
Scott!
(The orb regenerates Wonder Woman)
Batman (Ben Affleck):
Diana!
(The orb regenerates Sabertooth)
???:
That guy!
(The orb regenerates Luke Skywalker, Superman, and Iron Man)
(Doctor Manhattan is counting his abs)
Doctor Manhattan:
10, 11 and 12. Ah. Back to normal.
(In the background, the orb regenerates The Riddler and Agent Smith)
Deadpool:
So. Everyone just gets to come back? Well. That’s just lazy writing.
(In the background, the orb regenerates a T-Rex, the Indominus Rex, a Spinosaurus, and the Indoraptor)
Domino:
Or good luck.
(The orb regenerates Harley Quinn)
Deadpool:
Not that I’m complaining.
(Peter Quill plays "Super-stition-Bowl" on his MP3 player)
Peter Quill:
What? You can’t celebrate without music!
(The orb regenerates Nebula as Groot dances)
Darth Vader:
Bring it in here, you little scamps.
(Darth Vaders puts his arms around Princess Leia and Luke Skywalker)
(In the background, the orb regenerates Professor Hulk)
(Rey holds up a JediPhone)
Rey:
Family photo?
(Kylo Ren, Han Solo, C-3PO, and R2-D2 join Darth Vader, Princess Leia, and Luke Skywalker as Rey takes a photo)
(Odin is standing with Thor, Hela, and Loki)
Odin:
I’m so happy I could... disintegrate into radiant particles and float away on the wind.
(Ellen Ripley is hugging a Xenomorph Drone surrounded by Xenomorph eggs, a Xenomorph Warrior, a Xenomorph Runner, and a Facehugger Xenomorph)
Ellen Ripley:
I’m so happy I feel like my chest is gonna burst!
(Harry Potter catches the Golden Snitch)
Harry Potter:
Haha!
Voldemort:
Oh, Harry. You little snitch-snatcher, you! Weeheehee!
(Godzilla and Smaug are hugging)
Smaug:
What were we even fighting about?
(Batman (Christian Bale) shakes The Joker (Heath Ledger)'s hand, but is shocked)
Batman:
Hey!
The Joker:
I’m just messin’ with ya! Come here, ya big cudgel!
(Batman and The Joker hug, but Batman places a note on The Joker's back saying "Throw me off a building")
(Thanos gives his Time Stone to Doctor Strange and his Mind Stone to Vision)
Thanos:
Hey - you can always use a spare.
Peter Quill:
Uh, Mr Mad Titan? Can I ask you an important question about your daughter?
Deadpool:
Here. I got this off a... close friend.
(Deadpool places a Green Lantern ring on Harley Quinn's finger)
Deadpool:
It doesn’t make one turn invisible, but... in your case, that’s a big check in the plus column.
Harley Quinn:
I want to see your face.
Deadpool:
I don’t think we’re quite ready for that just yet.
Harley Quinn:
Trust me. Whatever you’re hiding, I’ve dated worse.
Deadpool:
Okay... Here goes.
(Deadpool takes off his mask and Harley Quinn gasps)
Deadpool:
See? I knew it was too soon. OK look, I’ve been researching this experimental surgery in China--
Harley Quinn:
Shh! You’re beautiful.
(Harley Quinn kisses Deadpool as Gandalf shoots off fireworks)
Female Audience Member:
Hey! What are we supposed to watch now?
Harley Quinn:
You should watch our movies. From what I understand, they don’t all take place in the same location!
Female Audience Member:
Interesting.
Zorg:
What do we do now? Where do we go?
Jadis the White Witch:
I certainly don’t want to stick around here. It’s always Summer - never Winter.
Gozer:
Do you think… we’d be accepted... on Earth?
Superman:
Uh, I can speak to this. Humans... are an extraordinary species. Heck, they created all of us. But… one superhuman was a lot for them to handle. Hundreds of them all at once? I fear they’d suffer superhuman fatigue and turn on us.
Red Skull:
Well, if we can’t go to Earth, where can we go?
The Wicked Witch of the West:
Oh, is there a world out there that we could call home?
Ego:
Well, I don’t know about that, but... I can make us a world. I am... sort of a planet.
Peter Quill:
Dad! Come on. No one wants to live on your saggy old planet.
Tony Stark:
Wait - you’re dad is a planet? W-hoy. Hey, look - I’m familiar with living in the shadow of a parent but that is ridiculous.
Morpheus:
All in favour of building our own world?
(Everyone raises their hand)
Amanda Waller:
How do we get out of here though?
(Doctor Manhattan teleports away and then returns)
Doctor Manhattan:
The barrier has been destroyed. I can teleport us anywhere in the known universe.
Cable:
“Known”? That narrows our options.
Roy Batty:
Well what are we waiting for?
The Riddler:
I’ve just got one question, which is rare for me. WHAT IN THE WORLD are we going to call our new world?
Nick Fury:
Avengerland!
Batman (Ben Affleck):
Justice World.
Galadriel:
Middle-Earth.
The Wicked Witch of the West:
Oz!
Thor:
Asgard 2.0!
Austin Powers:
Shagadelia!
Tony Stark:
Planet Stark.
Severus Snape:
No. It cannot be associated with any one property. That wouldn’t be fair to the rest.
Hans Gruber:
That's actually a very good point.
Sheriff George of Nottingham:
Yeah that's a good point.
Alexander Dane:
Yes I would have to agree with that.
Deadpool:
How about... Fanfictasia?
Harley Quinn:
That’s horrible. I love it!
Falkor:
Gets my vote.
(Falkor winks)
Black Widow:
Fanfictasia it is. I don’t know what it means, but I like it.
Ego:
I’ll start building it as soon as we get there. Everyone can have input.
Padme Amidala:
It will be the first planet designed by committee.
Doctor Manhattan:
OK. Everyone brace yourselves. Next stop, Fanfictasia.
(Batman (Ben Affleck) gives Lex Luthor a vomit bag)
Maleficent:
It’s funny how Oscar only did live-action heroes and villains, when there’s so much more to choose from.
(Maleficent shows an image of the animated Maleficent)
Apocalypse:
I guess there’s only so many characters one arena can hold.
Peter Parker:
Goodbye, alien arena!
T-800:
We won’t be back.
(Doctor Manhattan teleports everyone out of the arena as the camera zooms out to show six more arenas)
(A door opens, revealing Mario)
Mario:
Let’s-a Bowl!
(A caption says "SUPER-VIDEOGAME-BOWL!")
Arthur Morgan:
It’s on like that guy!
(Arthur Morgan points at Donkey Kong who throws a barrel at Goro)
Carmen Sandiego:
Where in the world am I?
The Dragonborn:
It’s a Far Cry from Uncharted Skyrim,
(Jack Carver and Nathan Drake raise their guns)
The Dragonborn:
which, er... was a bit of a Bioshock.
(Geralt of Rivia unsheathes his blade and a Big Daddy drops holding a Little Sister)
The Lone Wanderer:
Fall out, Sims! We got a Call of Duty!
Master Chief:
You say goodbye, I say Halo.
(Altair Ibn-La?Ahad sneaks up behind Princess Zelda and is about to assassinate her)
Altair Ibn-La?Ahad:
What am I doing? I can’t stain my blade with the flesh of an innocent! I have a creed to consider!
Princess Peach:
Stop that man! He’s committing Grand Theft Kart!
(Trevor Philips is driving Princess Peach's Wild Wing and hits Frog before he's overtaken by Sonic)
(Pac-Man eats Centipede while a Pong Paddle hits an Octopus next to a Crab and a Squid)
Chun-Li:
It’s not a street, but when in Rome...
(Chun-Li kicks Ryu onto a table of World of Warcraft figures Thrall was playing with, Minecraft blocks assembled by Steve, and Starcraft figures with which Sarah Kerrigan was playing)
Thrall:
Hey! You’re knockin’ the Crafts table!
Lara Croft:
You are the weakest Link. Goodbye.
(Lara Croft shoots Link before she is crushed by a Teewee before a Rhode Island Z falls next to it)
(A caption says "SUPER-CARTOON-BOWL!")
Mickey Mouse:
Pluto! Here boy!
Scooby-Doo:
Rooby-roo?
Bugs Bunny:
Nyehhh. What’s up, dog?
Smurfette:
I’m so thrilled to be here - it’s smurferrific!
Daria Morgendorffer:
Yeah. Exploiting the intellectual properties of other people always brings a huge smile to my face.
Fred Flintstone:
Hey Betty, have you seen… WILMAAAA!!!
Betty Boop:
Boo-boop-ee-doo! No!
(In the background, a Yellow Submarine floats by)
Bubbles:
We can’t fight each other!
Blossom:
We were cooked in the same pot!
Buttercup:
Bring it on, you half-baked biscuits!
(Buttercup uses her laser eyes on Blossom and Bubbles)
Homer Simpson:
Mmmm. Honey-coated spongecake.
(Homer Simpson is holding a half-eaten Spongebob Squarepants who has been coated in Winnie-the-Pooh's honey)
(Snoopy is sleeping with Woodstock on his stomach and dynamite by his side)
(The dynamite rolls off Snoppy's doghouse and lands next to Wile E. Coyote who pushes an ACME plunger, making it explode in his face)
(A caption says "SUPER-ANIME-BOWL!")
Sailor Moon:
In the name of the moon, I shall punish you!
(Totoro, Kitty White, Astro Boy, and Doraemon fly past)
Goku:
Sounds kinky!
(Goku fires a Ki Blast at a Pikachu)
Pikachu:
PIKACHU!!!
(Pikachu is vaporised)
(A caption says "SUPER-PUPPET-BOWL!")
Judy:
Everyone stay back - we’re having a domestic!
(Judy hits Mr. Punch with a rolling pin)
Lamb Chop:
Whenever you are feeling blue--
(Lamb Chop is hit by a rolling pin, which shocks Gordon Shumway)
Elmo:
I’m Sickle-me-Elmo!
(Elmo runs around with a sickle)
Ms. Piggy:
Kermie, I though you loved me!
(Kermit the Frog raises a banjo)
Kermit the Frog:
It’s not easy being forced to… murder your friends!
(Howdy Doody hits Kermit the Frog with a bat)
Howdy Doody:
IT’S HOWDY-DOODY TIME!
(A caption says "SUPER-BOARDGAME-BOWL!")
Rich Uncle Pennybags:
YOU... SHALL NOT... PASS GO!
(Rich Uncle Pennybags hits the floor with his cane and sends the Ace of Spades, the Queen of Hearts, the Five of Diamonds, the Mouse Trap Cage, the Blue Mouse, a Miss Peg, a Hit Peg, a twice-hit Battleship, a Battleship, a Patrol Boat, a "T" Tile, an "S" Tile, two 6-sided Dice, a Black Knight, the White Queen, the Black King, a White Pawn, a White Checker, a Black Checker, Colonel Mustard, and Miss Scarlet flying)
(A caption says "SUPER-CALIFRAGILISTIC-EXPIALIDOCIOUS-BOWL!")
(Mary Poppins floats to the floor where there are Penguins dancing)
Mary Poppins:
Just a spoonful of MURDER!
(Mary Poppins stabs two penguins with her umbrella)
(A caption says "SUPER-CEREAL-BOWL!")
(A piece of Captain Crunch cereal knocks a piece of Cinnamon Toast Crunch into a bowl of milk containing 3 Apple Jacks, 2 Corn Flakes, and a Bran Flake)
Oscar:
Captain Crunch. You are the ultimate breakfast cereal.
(Jeff Albertson is revealed to be watching the video on his phone)
Jeff Albertson:
Eesh. Rice Krispies should have won. Worst video ever.
(Jeff Albertson is crushed by King Ghidorah)
(Alita and Bumblebee run in the background)
(Spider-Woman swings by on a web with Wyldstyle and Emmet Brickowski while the Red Ranger performs a flying kick)
(Mysterio attacks King Ghidorah as Buzz Lightyear flies past)
(Supergirl flies into the sky and Rescue shoots lasers at King Ghidorah)
(The Millennium Falcon blows up the USS Enterprise)
(The DeLorean Time Machine piloted by Marty McFly and Dr. Emmett Brown flies into the camera, making the screen cut to black)
T-800:
We are back! I lied.
Harley Quinn:
Allow me to Quinn-troduce ArtSpear Entertainment, AKA Joe & Rita.
Deadpool:
It’s just these two nerds above us making these videos on their lonesome.
Tiffany:
And it sure ain’t easy!
Count Dracula:
It takes oceans of time and continents of hard work.
Hermione Granger:
But it’s super easy to help them out.
William Wallace:
Subscribing only takes one second. And it’s free!
Black Widow:
Of course, if you want to help more you can always become a sponsoring member of this channel.
Davy Jones:
So jump aboard, cos there’s plenty more where this came from.
The Wicked Witch of the West:
Move it, my pretties! Fanfictasia isn’t gonna build itself!
Harley Quinn:
Gotta go.
Robin:
Holy end screen voice-over, Batgirl!
Batgirl:
Batman’s in trouble - we need to get out of this cell.
Short Round:
You listen to Short Round, you live longer!
Batgirl:
OK, I’m listening.
Short Round:
You see? You are still alive!
Yukio:
Hi Chewie!
(Chewbacca growls)