The Buffoon and the Valedictorian Adam Sandler

And now the buffoon's date at the drive-in with the school's valedictorian." Valedictorian: "I really appreciate you're asking me out. Most people are intimidated by my high academic achievement."

The Buffoon and the Dean of Admissions Adam Sandler

And now a buffoon's meeting with the dean of admissions at a prestigious college."

Teenage Love on the Phone Adam Sandler

Hey Richie, my dad's down the hall, and he doesn't want me on the phone. So if I hang up on you, it's just because he's coming." Richie: "Ok.

The Adventures Of The Cow Adam Sandler

And now a cow at bat in the bottom of the 6th inning of a little league game getting hit by a pitch" [Baseball sounds and cow bell ringing,ball is hit and hits cow] [Cow:] Moo "And now a cow who goes skydiving

The Hypnotist Adam Sandler

Stewart: Basically I just want you to sit back and relax let yourself sit back and relax and sink into the chair, and , um, just feel comfortable and trust me.

The Goat Adam Sandler

I am a simple goat I live on the back of a pick-up truck The Old Man tied me here with a 3-foot rope Am I happy he don't give a fuck He's filled with anger, and filled with rage And tells me I smell

The Cheerleader Adam Sandler

We'll be 'cause we're the Tigers, we're out for vic-tor-y - Yeah!" [No response] Cheerleader: "Come on you guys! I wanna hear you!" [Still no response] Cheerleader: "Come on!

The Boss And The Secretary Adam Sandler

Reach in there and get yourself some candy Okay... Okay, a little lower, though... Umm... alright... Little... little lower... Yeah? No, to the left! Left? Damn, bitch, do I gotta do everything?

Sex Or Weight Lifting Adam Sandler

[Adam Sandler] : Hey how ya doin'? My name's Barry Lakin and I'm here with the man on the street quiz. This weeks's show is a doozy man, it really is.

Dancin` And Pantsin` Adam Sandler

But I found a place where the stars hang out And they taught me how to funk Real nasty It ain't too far away It's just on the edge of town Nearby But be ready when you get there 'Cause these folks

Dancin' And Pantsin' Adam Sandler

I found a place where the stars hang out And they taught me how to funk Real nasty It ain't too far away It's just on the edge of town Nearby But be ready when you get there 'Cause these folks don't fuck

the lonesome kicker Adam Sandler

on the goal line But some of the players were running into them And getting hurt So screw the kicker Who cares about the kicker?

The Lonesome Kicker (Album Version) Adam Sandler

the goal line But some of the players were running into them And getting hurt So screw the kicker Who cares about the kicker?

The Excited Southerner Orders A Meal Adam Sandler

Hi, how are you...I was...if you could, tell me, if you...eh, the chef salad, if it, does it come, if you come... a la carte, if you see the...I saw the breakfast menu and the, and they got the, and

The Chanukah Song Adam Sandler

Put on your yarmulke Here comes Chanukah So much funukah To celebrate Chanukah Chanukah is the festival of lights Instead of one day of presents, we have eight crazy nights When you feel like the only

the thanksgiving song Adam Sandler

[Starts playing] Love to eat turkey Love to eat turkey Shout from Crowd: "I love you Adam!" Adam Sandler: "Ohhh, I love you!"

The Champion Adam Sandler

she about to fall from grace In the land of the rising sun shadows are falling again The die is cast, the future and past coming to her at last Oh, oh, oh All she needed was a Champion Oh, oh, oh Crying

Whitey Adam Sandler

Whitey: Oh they day cant begin Till the gard lets me in Then I walk for some exersise In less then a snap I complete my daily lap Then it's time to SOCILIZE I see Raidy and Ruth at the Information Booth

the chanuka song Adam Sandler

Put on your yarmulke Here comes Chanukah So much funukah To celebrate Chanukah Chanukah is the festival of lights Instead of one day of presents, we have eight crazy nights When you feel like the

lunchlady land Adam Sandler

and cheese But don't forget to return your trays And try to ignore my gum disease No student can escape the magic of Lunchlady Land Hoagies & grinders, hoagies & grinders Hoagies & grinders, hoagies

The Amazing Willy Wanker Adam Sandler

The amazing Willy Wanker! (Aaaah!) The amazing Willy Wanker! And my scrotum sack he says Lalalalalala, tickle me!

Inner Voice Adam Sandler

I'm happily married with a house and three mistresses Even with the beard I'm not as hairy as my sister is Got a new Hummer, two Ferraris, and some Lexuses And all the girls I know got the big big breasteses

Joining The Cult Adam Sandler

Sandler: " I wanted to watch Monday Night Football and you wanted to watch that other show and we watched your show I did that for you!" Allen: "Yeah, well, you kept flippin' back to the game."

the goat song Adam Sandler

I am a simple goat I live on the back of a pick-up truck The Old Man tied me here with a 3-foot rope Am I happy he don't give a fuck He's filled with anger, and filled with rage And tells me I

The Mule Session Adam Sandler

My girlfriend left me for a seven foot Indian My grandma hung herself on a tree in the Caribbean My sister's on the dope and my brother always picks his nose And Daddy's only happy when he's wearing Mama's

The Goat Song (Album Version) Adam Sandler

The Goat Song I am a simple goat I live on the back of a pick-up truck The Old Man tied me here with a 3-foot rope Am I happy he don't give a fuck He's filled with anger, and filled with rage And

Secret Adam Sandler

But if I did that then it wouldn't be, a secret I've gotta move my body tonight, I'm gonna go dancin' Dreamin' bout the nights at the club, with the fun and romancin' Mommy sees the look in my eyes, she

The Excited Southerner Gets Pulled Over Adam Sandler

[Adam Sandler:] And now the excited Southerner gets pulled over by a cop. [Cop:] Do you realize how fast you were going sir?

The Excited Southerner Proposes To A Woman Adam Sandler

Setting: A restaurant with music playing in the background] "And now the Excited Southerner proposes to a girl." Girl: "You wanted to ask me something?" Excited Southerner: "Yes, I did.

The Respect Chant Adam Sandler

Respect Respect You gotta show the fucking respect [Repeat Over And Over

Mr. Bake-O Adam Sandler

, spent the last two hours Hiding under my bed Cause i looked in the garbage can And i think i saw my uncle louies head I'm fuckin wasted Well my friend blew a hit Into my pet birds face The bird laughed

Sweet Beatrice Adam Sandler

Who couldn't breathe right since the Vietnam War Then she played Chinese Checkers with Skeletor And went camping with Eva Gabor She's my sweet Beatrice She's my sweet Beatrice She's my sweet Beatrice

four years old Adam Sandler

I want some juice And I want it now So you better move your ass And feel bad for me 'Cuz I'm just getting over a cold I'm four years old! I'm four years old! I'm four years old!

sweat beatrice Adam Sandler

boar Who couldn't breat right since the Vietnam War Then she played Chinese Checkers with Skeletor And went camping with Eva Gabor She's my sweet Beatrice She's my sweet Beatrice She's my sweet

7 Foot Man (Live) Adam Sandler

We just wrote this song on the bus the other day so just sit back and relax I'm the 7 foot man, I've commited no crime, Bumping my head into doorways, It happens all the time, I'm 7 feet tall, And I repeat

Welcome My Son Adam Sandler

Welcome my son to your very first day So proud to be the one who brought you this way I love you with all my heart And my love is here to stay But I can't help worrying will you eventually smoke weed?

The Peeper Adam Sandler

The peeper, The peeper, Whats going through his head? Whoah! Climbing the tree. Slowly, quietly, Looking for next branch. Found it, got it. Window height, great view. Settlin' in, keepin it quiet.

the chanukah song part ii Adam Sandler

the only kid in town Without a Christmas tree Here's a new list of people who are Jewish Just like you and me Winona Ryder, Drinks Manischewitz wine Then spins a draydle with Ralph Lauren and

The Chanukah Song Part II (Live) Adam Sandler

Put on your yarmulke Its time for Chanukah So much funnaka To celebrate Chanukah Chanukah is the festival of lights Instead of one day of presents We get eight crazy nights When you feel like the only

mr. bake Adam Sandler

I'm sitting in my chair watching the TV It's not even on but there's plenty for me to see I just lit some crazy ass shit that my friend overnight mailed to me I'm fucking wasted It's the best

at a medium place Adam Sandler

Put your arms around me baby Can't you see I need you so Hold me close against your skin I'm about to begin Lovin' you Spit on your hand and stroke my cock At a medium pace Play with my balls

The Excited Southerner Meets Mel Gibson Adam Sandler

[Adam Sandler:] And now the excited Southerner gets to meet his favorite film actor, Mel Gibson. [Man:] Mr. Gibson?

Do It For Your Mama Adam Sandler

And you'll get cramps. Why don't you just lay on the side of the pool and jiggle your balls for momma." Jimmy: "It's ok. I'll stay in the shallow end." Momma: "Ok, baby.

Crazy Love Adam Sandler

Adam:] You don't mind that I think everybody's a robot and all my conversations are being recorded [Lisa:] And you don't mind that all of my pants are way too short on me and I also stabbed someone with

Assistant Principal's Big Day Adam Sandler

Speaking through a microphone] "Good morning students and faculty, If I could have your attention please.

Best Friend Adam Sandler

When I'm at the bus stop and you drive by in your mom's car You tell me the bus already left Cause you're my best friend!

She Comes Home To Me Adam Sandler

Though I have been a fool for love I have finally made my score I got a girl, and I don't mean to boast But she loves me the most Even though she's a highly paid whore She'll give head to a sheep She can

zitty van zittles Adam Sandler

Well, I had myself a girlfrield For almost two whole years We had no secrets We had no fears There was nothing we wouldn't do When we were in the sack She'd even pop the zit on my back But one

At a Medium Pace Adam Sandler

Spit on your hand and stroke my cock at a medium pace. Play with my balls and tell me how big they are. Honey rub your beaver up and down my face.

ode to my car Adam Sandler

Here we go Piece of shit car I got a piece of shit car That fuckin' pile of shit Never gets me very far My car's a big piece of shit 'Cause the shocks are fucking shot And my seatbelt's fucking