The Buffoon and the Dean of Admissions Adam Sandler

And now a buffoon's meeting with the dean of admissions at a prestigious college."

The Buffoon and the Valedictorian Adam Sandler

Buffoon: "That girl in the fucking car in front of us, she gives everybody head." Valedictorian: "Well, I guess she's strong for attention and she feels promiscuity is the only way to obtain it."

Teenage Love on the Phone Adam Sandler

Hey Richie, my dad's down the hall, and he doesn't want me on the phone. So if I hang up on you, it's just because he's coming." Richie: "Ok.

The Adventures Of The Cow Adam Sandler

And now a cow at bat in the bottom of the 6th inning of a little league game getting hit by a pitch" [Baseball sounds and cow bell ringing,ball is hit and hits cow] [Cow:] Moo "And now a cow who goes skydiving

The Goat Adam Sandler

I am a simple goat I live on the back of a pick-up truck The Old Man tied me here with a 3-foot rope Am I happy he don't give a fuck He's filled with anger, and filled with rage And tells me I smell

The Chanukah Song Adam Sandler

Put on your yarmulke Here comes Chanukah So much funukah To celebrate Chanukah Chanukah is the festival of lights Instead of one day of presents, we have eight crazy nights When you feel like the only

lunchlady land Adam Sandler

"It's through the eyes of one of the greatest people alive, I feel..."

The Champion Adam Sandler

she about to fall from grace In the land of the rising sun shadows are falling again The die is cast, the future and past coming to her at last Oh, oh, oh All she needed was a Champion Oh, oh, oh Crying

the chanuka song Adam Sandler

There's a lot of Christmas songs out there and uhh.. not too many Chanukah songs. So uhh.. I wrote a song for all those nice little Jewish kids who don't get to hear any Chanukah songs.

The Cheerleader Adam Sandler

Sound of pom-poms] Cheerleader: [With annoying feminine voice] "Ok you guys, let's hear some spirit!" [Performing cheer] Cheerleader: "United, we are united..

The Hypnotist Adam Sandler

Stewart: and I just want you to relax, and you're going to fall into a deep state of mind of subconsciousness you're very comfortable, I'll be counting back from five, I just want you to relax, and

ode to my car Adam Sandler

Here we go Piece of shit car I got a piece of shit car That fuckin' pile of shit Never gets me very far My car's a big piece of shit 'Cause the shocks are fucking shot And my seatbelt's fucking

Dancin` And Pantsin` Adam Sandler

But I found a place where the stars hang out And they taught me how to funk Real nasty It ain't too far away It's just on the edge of town Nearby But be ready when you get there 'Cause these folks

Dancin' And Pantsin' Adam Sandler

I found a place where the stars hang out And they taught me how to funk Real nasty It ain't too far away It's just on the edge of town Nearby But be ready when you get there 'Cause these folks don't fuck

The Amazing Willy Wanker Adam Sandler

When I was just a little wee lad I hopped on the lap of my dear old dad Something jumped and poked me good 'That' he said 'just me morning wood' A little tin soldier's marchin by Sergeant major unzips

Inner Voice Adam Sandler

weeks of vacation a year If people piss me off I can make 'em disappear Every time I sneeze I get a feature on the news The reporter says "gesundheit" and hilarity ensues And how did I get to be the man

the goat song Adam Sandler

I am a simple goat I live on the back of a pick-up truck The Old Man tied me here with a 3-foot rope Am I happy he don't give a fuck He's filled with anger, and filled with rage And tells me I

The Mule Session Adam Sandler

My girlfriend left me for a seven foot Indian My grandma hung herself on a tree in the Caribbean My sister's on the dope and my brother always picks his nose And Daddy's only happy when he's wearing Mama's

The Excited Southerner Orders A Meal Adam Sandler

Hi, how are you...I was...if you could, tell me, if you...eh, the chef salad, if it, does it come, if you come... a la carte, if you see the...I saw the breakfast menu and the, and they got the, and

The Goat Song (Album Version) Adam Sandler

The Goat Song I am a simple goat I live on the back of a pick-up truck The Old Man tied me here with a 3-foot rope Am I happy he don't give a fuck He's filled with anger, and filled with rage And

The Boss And The Secretary Adam Sandler

You know what I need Uh, no I don't, sir I want you to come on over here, fish my cock out of these trousers, and suck on it for a while! Sir, I don't think I can do something like that!

The Excited Southerner Proposes To A Woman Adam Sandler

Setting: A restaurant with music playing in the background] "And now the Excited Southerner proposes to a girl." Girl: "You wanted to ask me something?" Excited Southerner: "Yes, I did.

Joining The Cult Adam Sandler

Because this guy, Russell he's the leader-guy of the cult " Allen: " yeah " Sandler: " he was rambling on during one of the speeches about the sun being bad, like the beast can't come out because the

the lonesome kicker Adam Sandler

face mask What it possibly could protect, I do not know The other guys on the team Like to make fun of my little shoulder pads And also like to hide the special shoe I need to kick in the snow

The Lonesome Kicker (Album Version) Adam Sandler

mask What it possibly could protect, i do not know The other guys on the team Like to make fun of my little shoulder pads And also like to hide the special shoe I need to kick in the snow People

Sweet Beatrice Adam Sandler

the days of yore Hangin' out at Studio 54 Break-dancin' on the slick, brick disco floor With Lionel Richie Who, by the way, was a Commodore One time she gave mouth-to-mouth to a snaggle-tooth boar

the chanukah song part ii Adam Sandler

Put on your yarmulke Its time for Chanukah So much funnaka To celebrate Chanukah Chanukah is the festival of lights Instead of one day of presents We get eight crazy nights When you feel like

The Chanukah Song Part II (Live) Adam Sandler

Put on your yarmulke Its time for Chanukah So much funnaka To celebrate Chanukah Chanukah is the festival of lights Instead of one day of presents We get eight crazy nights When you feel like the only

The Mayor Of Pussytown Adam Sandler

Yo it's 2004 and all you candy asses thinkin ya'll real pussies ya'll ain't seen shit yet eh yo man let em know Oh yeah, guess who's back it's the mother fuckin pussy with the little nutsack don't care

sweat beatrice Adam Sandler

from the days of yore Hanging out at Studio 54 Break dancing on the slick brick disco floor With Lionel Richie Who, by the way, was a Commodore One time she gave mouth-to-mouth to a snaggle tooth

Crazy Love Adam Sandler

Adam:] You don't mind that I think everybody's a robot and all my conversations are being recorded [Lisa:] And you don't mind that all of my pants are way too short on me and I also stabbed someone with

Assistant Principal's Big Day Adam Sandler

Speaking through a microphone] "Good morning students and faculty, If I could have your attention please.

corduroy blues Adam Sandler

That pissed off all my Momma's friends And made my big-boned sister irate But now I'm a man And all that frolicking has caused my ego to hurt 'Cause even when I'm in the shower alone I'm to embarrased

the thanksgiving song Adam Sandler

[Starts playing] Love to eat turkey Love to eat turkey Shout from Crowd: "I love you Adam!" Adam Sandler: "Ohhh, I love you!"

The Beating of a High School Science Teacher Adam Sandler

And now the severe beating of a high school science teacher." [Lecturing] "Zinc is by far the best element." "I also like plutonium." "It's just fun to say." "Plutonium."

She Comes Home To Me Adam Sandler

stuff three cocks in her cheek But she comes home to me She'll do the groom and the best man She'll slap your ass in the back of a van But she comes home to me She could fuck nine guys in a row But still

Memory Lane Adam Sandler

[M4:] "It reminds me of smelling a 60 year old guys ass" [car screeches, he drops out of the car] [M4:] "Hey, screw you guys I am who I am deal with it" [M1:] "I'm glad we got rid of him his was a

7 Foot Man (Live) Adam Sandler

We just wrote this song on the bus the other day so just sit back and relax I'm the 7 foot man, I've commited no crime, Bumping my head into doorways, It happens all the time, I'm 7 feet tall, And I repeat

Welcome My Son Adam Sandler

Welcome my son to your very first day So proud to be the one who brought you this way I love you with all my heart And my love is here to stay But I can't help worrying will you eventually smoke weed?

the beating of a high school janitor Adam Sandler

"And now, the sever beating of a high school janitor."

Secret Adam Sandler

But if I did that then it wouldn't be, a secret I've gotta move my body tonight, I'm gonna go dancin' Dreamin' bout the nights at the club, with the fun and romancin' Mommy sees the look in my eyes, she

Calling Home Adam Sandler

Oh, wonderful... what side of the room did you take? You mean left or right or... what do you mean? What side of the room? Did you go window or electrical outlet?

Toll Booth Willie Adam Sandler

[Pays toll and drives off] Toll Booth Willie: "Go fuck yourself you son of a bitch! I'll come right outta the booth and fuckin' whack ya, you fuckin' prick!"

at a medium place Adam Sandler

Put your arms around me baby Can't you see I need you so Hold me close against your skin I'm about to begin Lovin' you Spit on your hand and stroke my cock At a medium pace Play with my balls

Do It For Your Mama Adam Sandler

And you'll get cramps. Why don't you just lay on the side of the pool and jiggle your balls for momma." Jimmy: "It's ok. I'll stay in the shallow end." Momma: "Ok, baby.

Cool Guy 5 Adam Sandler

Looking all smooth, standing on the corner at 3 in the morning and shit. You cold, baby? You want to use me as a blanket? [GIRL #5:] I'm just doing my thing.

The Psychotic Legend Of Uncle Donnie Adam Sandler

It must be fast and shit. This fucking boat's got more balls then the fuckin celtic's lockeroom. yeah but it musta cost you like 50 Gs or something. One might think that but guess what?

The Excited Southerner Gets Pulled Over Adam Sandler

[Adam Sandler:] And now the excited Southerner gets pulled over by a cop. [Cop:] Do you realize how fast you were going sir?

At a Medium Pace Adam Sandler

Spit on your hand and stroke my cock at a medium pace. Play with my balls and tell me how big they are. Honey rub your beaver up and down my face.

Hot Water Burn Baby Adam Sandler

[Ryan:] no [Father:] Well, because sometimes you have germs on your hands and germs are bad for the baby cause they can make the baby sick.