It was supposed to be so easy
Just take back the DVD, withdraw that extra money
Tell mum I wouldn't be back for tea, then grab my savings and hurry
So first to get the film back in time, to avoid that big fine
I had to do a fast hill climb, but a faster decline
But I flew a bit quick, arms like a lunatic
Had to stop for a few ticks, I started feeling sick
Got to the video shop in a state, but chuffed it wouldn't be late
Only when he flicked open the case, I'd left the disc at my place
Today I've achieved absolutely nought
In just being out of the house, I've lost out
If I wanted to end up with more now
I should've just stayed in bed, like I know how
So I failed on the DVD, but I still had to get the money
Tell mum I couldn't make tea, get the saving and then hurry
Rushing to the cash machine, still a bit mashed and lean
Then of course a mandatory car, drives by and splashes me
Get there the cues outrageous, ladies taking ages
My rage is blowing gauges, how longs it take to validate your wages?
At last my turn comes, press the 50 squid button
Insufficient funds
Today I've achieved absolutely nought
In just being out of the house, I've lost out
If I wanted to end up with more now
I should've just stayed in bed, like I know how
So I failed on the DVD, couldn't withdraw any money
But I still had to call mum, get the savings and hurry
So to call mum so that, I could tell her I cant go and that
At least I remembered my phone man, I didn't know her number offhand
Where's my phone have I got it, Oh this is a crock of shit
I lost the fucking thing, oh here it is in my pocket
But the batteries nearly flat, gotta call quick snap
Aww shit, the battery is flat
Today I've achieved absolutely nought
In just being out of the house, I've lost out
If I wanted to end up with more now
I should've just stayed in bed, like I know how
So Ive failed on the DVD, couldnt withdraw any money
Or call mum about tea, I'll have to get the savings and hurry
But where was the money, I knew I'd left it on the
Side, next to the telly, this is not even funny
I left it in the living room, ready to pick up as soon
As I passed through, on the way out to the rendevous
So the shoebox full of money, just disappearing from me
Is not what I call funny, a grand dont come for free
Today I've achieved absolutely nought
In just being out of the house, I've lost out
If I wanted to end up with more now
I should've just stayed in bed, like I know how
(Oi, soaked to the bone in my jeans, do you want me to stop?
I imagine my mums weaping right now
And the thousand pounds you swore, that I left on the table this morn
Has simply disappeared before my eyes, his eyes and yours
And I'm a thousand pounds poorer, a hundred thousand pennies, no more
A thousandth of a million squid, or two monkeys or a whole fifty scores
Gone withdrawn from my life, the money is no more for sure)
It was supposed to be easy